


Captured Under the Lights

by Hyungwons



Series: Monsta X Bingo (August 2016) [1]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Enemies to Lovers, M/M, Monsta X Bingo, Smut, mostly filled with childish arguments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-07
Updated: 2016-08-07
Packaged: 2018-07-29 22:04:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7701493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hyungwons/pseuds/Hyungwons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hyungwon, a model, had worked hard to get to where he was. And he wasn't about to let Hoseok and the past ruin that for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Captured Under the Lights

Hyungwon adjusted the jacket over his dress shirt, running his hands over it to smooth out any wrinkles. Checking himself out in the thin standing mirror positioned in the corner (which managed to be too short for his height but it was just enough), he gave a small fix to the collar of the shirt and unfolded the sleeves of the jacket so they could fall just past his hands. With a nod of approval to himself he leaned close to the mirror to just quickly make sure every lock of his brown hair fell in just the right places. 

Finally satisfied, he spun on the heels of his black dress shoes and pulled open the curtain with an almost half-hearted smile when he saw the stylist waiting for him. Still maintaining that unamused smile, he folded his arms across his chest, tilting his head just a bit to the side to show some kind of pose at the very least.

“Perfect!” the stylist complimented, a bright grin on her face as she waved her hand for him to step closer. She reached for the necktie that hung over the top of chair, flipping up the collar of Hyungwon’s shirt so she can tie it for him. When she finished, she gave one last wave of her hand and Hyungwon leaned forward so she had an easier time in running her fingers through his hair, re-adjusting his own adjustments he had just made (to which he frowned at). “There, all done!” 

With a more a brighter smile and more motivation, Hyungwon was just about to step out of the makeup room when he was suddenly called back. The stylist ran up to him with one of the makeup brushes and he raised a brow at her.

“That’s not your job,” he commented.

Another wave but Hyungwon doesn’t move an inch. “It’s just a small fix. No one will even notice.”

“Then what’s the point?”

“Because I said so.”

“Fair enough.” With a shrug, Hyungwon finally leaned forward, closing his eyes as she adjusted the eye shadow at the corners. With one last nod of approval Hyungwon was finally able to leave the room where he let out a quick sigh and sank a little into the door, shutting his eyes to allow himself a moment of peace.

Hyungwon liked modelling, it was and always would be his passion, and everyone would always agree that, next to dancing, it was the best choice for him. That didn’t mean that there weren’t parts to the job that he hated more than he could even put into words. The way he had to let people touch him, their hands all over him and invading every last inch of personal space. Having to listen every day to people giving him a list of foods he should eat and when to eat them just to maintain his figure whilst also hearing from his actual friends that he was far too skinny and needed to eat more. He figured his friends were right, but at that point he couldn’t even tell anymore. Not like he had any control over it when he had staff breathing down his neck whenever he so much as tried to eat a small snack off “schedule”. Being told how to walk and how to hold himself, how to smile and how to act; he hated all of that.

He never had a say in anything and that much was obvious to him way before he even pursued the career, but there was so much else he had never even thought about before. At times the bad outweighed the good, but still he loved what he did and he’d never give it up for anything

Footsteps came from down the hall and quickly he straightened himself, clearing his throat just as another model and the manager came from around the corner. “Hyungwon, hurry up! You two are up next.” Hyungwon just nodded without a word and trailed behind the manager and other model (plus friend), Kihyun.

He could already see the almost blinding lights aimed at the runway and he let out a soft yet trembling sigh, always getting a little nervous before. “Don’t worry, you won’t trip this time,” Kihyun said from beside him with a mocking smile as they both watched each other from the corner of their eyes.

“Fuck off,” Hyungwon bit back, an obvious tone of amusement hidden underneath.

“Or?”

“Or this time I’ll make sure that you’re the one that trips.” The two shared a short laugh together before, finally, the staff behind them pushed Kihyun out onto the stage and Hyungwon stood back, watching as the older model cleared his face of any large grins as he came into view of the crowd. Taking one last deep breath to steady his nerves, Hyungwon soon felt himself being pushed onto the stage and he immediately straightened himself, making sure to look straight ahead with confidence written all over his face (something he had to learn to do for show and he hopes he’s gotten good at it.)

The lights were mostly blinding for those on the runway and it always took all of Hyungwon’s strength to not squint against them as he walked down the path and passed crossed paths with Kihyun who was making his way back already. Hyungwon admitted to himself, reaching the end of the walkway and giving a rather bland pose to finish it up with, that something was rather off. It sent a slight shiver down his spine how he felt a pair of eyes on him, watching his every move. The air felt heavier almost but as he started his stride back there were times it felt too thin and he couldn’t breathe.

It was so specific, the gaze, as it stood out against all of the others that were on him..

It was so familiar.

And so _unnervingly nostalgic_ almost.

There were so many people watching him that he crossed it down in his head as just being his shot nerves playing tricks on him from time and time again. It’s not like that wasn’t uncommon. But as he rounded the platform once again, something caught his attention from the corner of his eyes and he glanced at it immediately.

The man sitting there, his light blond hair contrasting so well, was familiar and it made Hyungwon’s anxiety shoot up even more when their gazes met. The man just stared at him blankly, almost unamused, and he didn’t look like he even wanted to be there. Unable to get a better look at the blond, Hyungwon brought his attention back to the runway and he quickly disappeared backstage. His eyes took a few seconds to adjust to the more appropriate lighting of the hall backstage.

 

\---

 

Another day rolled around and Hyungwon was given more instructions on what to do, what he’s gonna wear, and how he’s gonna pose. The only difference was that he’s dressed in summer casualwear and he’s on a set outside in a garden with several people watching from behind a few spotlights that were aimed at him.

As the photographer began to enter the garden with his camera in hand, he immediately caught Hyungwon’s attention as he knew that it wasn’t the usual photographer as he saw familiar blond locks of hair. Just then, the director of the photoshoot came up to Hyungwon in a hurry with some news. “Unfortunately, the usual photographer for these shoots is on vacation for the month so we found you a replacement.” Without giving Hyungwon any chance to ask questions, the man hurried off in the direction of the makeup crew but he was out of earshot of Hyungwon by then. Hyungwon stepped away from his little set and over to the photographer, catching him off guard as he was double checking the settings of the camera.

“You scared me!” the blond laughed, calming down from the small jump he gave and feeling a little embarrassed about it even. Hyungwon froze in place and his eyes widened to their fullest, his mouth agape and his brows knitted. The photographer frowned at him, almost with a look of disgust rather than concern. “Something wrong?”

“Hoseok? S-Shin Hoseok?” Hyungwon’s voice was so low as though he couldn’t nor wanted to believe it. And it took a few seconds for the blond to even catch what he had said.

The blond sighed and his words were laced with such annoyance. “I was really, _really_ hoping you wouldn’t even recognise me.”

“You were at the show the other day!”

“I wouldn’t have been had I known you were one of the models. I heard you became a model, but damn seeing it for myself is actually rather… amusing.”

Part of Hyungwon was surprised he had so easily recognised him especially with the striking blond hair, but then another part of him would never forget Hoseok no matter how many years passed. “And why’s that?”

“Well, because it suits you so well. Chae Hyungwon, the model who always needs to be in the spotlight. Has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?” Hoseok shifted most of his weight to one leg as he folded his arms over his chest.

Hyungwon was about to go back to his position and ignore whatever other comment the blond had to give, but as he spoke again Hyungwon scoffed at it and wished he could actually hit him. “Guess that singing career didn’t go so well, did it? I can relate to that.”

Hyungwon turned on his heels and stomped over to Hoseok, glaring him down but the blond didn’t even flinch. He just glare back at him, his gaze throwing daggers. “Hoseok, it’s been five years! Let it go.” 

“It’s not been long enough,” Hoseok spat back in response. Before the blond could say any else and make his blood boil more, Hyungwon turned around and stompped off in the direction of the set so he could finally prepare. He doesn’t know how he’s going to get through the month if Hoseok is staying as the replacement. He doesn’t even know how he’s gonna get through the shoot without them both attempting to kill each other. 

Just as Hyungwon got back on set, Hoseok turned back to the camera just in time to see the friend who had insisted on joining him strolled up to him with a cup of coffee. “Who was that?”

“Bastard who ruined my life.” Hoseok didn’t have time to fully explain as he grabbed the coffee from his friend’s hand and took several large gulps to ease himself and calm his anger before giving it back. “Here’s to hoping I’ll survive working with him, Changkyun.” Changkyun made a face as he took the cup back, seeing that Hoseok drank most of it on him already.

“Y’know, you could just change departments and be a photographer for something else? Or hell, join me in makeup!” the younger recommended with a shrug as he just watched Hyungwon preparing from afar, sipping at his coffee.

With several shakes of his head, Hoseok scrunched his nose and frowned, obviously disgusted at the idea. “No! I can’t let him take something else from me!”

“How’d you end up becoming friends with a would-be-model anyway? With those looks,” Changkyun raised his brow at Hyungwon, admiring his figure and features, “I’d think he’d be too good for you.” He earned himself a disgusted expression and sound from Hoseok, but he ignored them both entirely. That is, until Hoseok looked at with a glare that could kill (and threatened to). “I-I mean he’s certainly nothing compared to you, of course!” Changkyun gave a smile and small noise as he nudged the annoyed man in the side with his elbow. 

“We were best friends for years even after high school. But trust me, he was just an idiot back then! Couldn’t do anything right even if it meant his life.”

“How’d he end up ruining your life?”

“Another time, I need to get this over with already so I can go home and sleep off this headache.”

 

\---

 

A few weeks had went by and surprisingly Hoseok was holding up better than he had thought. That is, as good as he can when him and the man he works for had barely said a word to each other those weeks, and the fews times they did speak would just end in arguments that ranged from childish to aggressive but still always laced with poison. The days they managed their matching work hours without so much as even sparing each other a glance were the good days at least. He didn’t like that he had to be Hyungwon’s photographer and he wished he could ask for a transfer, but he was exactly where he wanted to be. He didn’t want a different department or a different team, he just didn’t want Hyungwon there as well. 

Changkyun constantly told him that his issue was small and easily overlooked, but Hoseok would just make a face as he complained more and more about how awfully awkward it is to work with someone he was once friends with (and receive a slap on his shoulder whenever he made a face at Changkyun’s words while he was working on Hoseok’s makeup).

He often wandered away from the building on his breaks and would stroll down to riverbank nearby simply because it was out of the way of most things. It was quiet and relaxing; it was rare for anyone to ever pass by. And the few that did never broke that peaceful atmosphere and the silence that Hoseok longed for. He liked to use that hour break he got during lunch to just sit back and think about where things are and if he’s at all happy about the things he’s done. And things were going steady enough for him and he barely had any complaints actually. And maybe, just maybe, if he held out long enough then they would have him work for someone far better that didn’t make him want to scream every second and tear out his own hair in frustration. He admitted that Hyungwon was an easy person to work for if he had been anyone else, seeing as he rarely complained about his work and he didn’t talk back to the staff and just let them do what they wanted.

Hyungwon would just nod along and follow orders without question.

Hoseok found it a little hilarious and also extremely satisfying to see Hyungwon get dragged around, told what to do and where to stand, and watch as he just bit his lip to stop himself from actually voicing any of his thoughts. It was most satisfying to Hoseok whenever Hyungwon would make a mistake and someone would always yell at him to get it right.

As he pictured that embarrassed and fearful look on Hyungwon’s face whenever he did something wrong, a little smile began to form as he wandered along the small path beside the river. He turned to the calm surface of the river as he tried to imagine that expression on Hyungwon’s face one more, but he felt a slight pain in his chest and it felt like something was stuck in his throat. He halted and stared out at the water, taking several attempts just to swallow that lump.

It was anger. It was anger and hate and frustration and disgust all mixed into one and they all got stuck in his throat. It was all the memories that his mind was trying to revive that blocked his breathing, made his fingers twitch in response, and made his legs nearly give out from under him. He wanted to leave them in the past, he really did, but he couldn’t. They would always make their presence known whenever he was allowed so much five minutes to think without loud chatter surrounding him and constant flashing lights giving him headaches.

He just stood there though, staring out at the calm surface of the water. His legs shook as all his memories rushed back to him but they also threatened to move and his gaze dropped, trying to remind himself that he can’t.

“Still haven’t been able to dance since then?” A voice came from behind him and Hoseok jumped in surprise, letting out a small sigh when he turned around to see that it was Hyungwon.

“What?”

“You used to go down to that little river and dance at night when everyone else had already went home.” Hyungwon took a few steps closer, his hands tucked inside the pockets of his long coat.

Hoseok let out a slight chuckle and a sigh, his expression quickly changing from an embarrassed smile to one of nostalgia. “You saw those, huh?”

“I used to love watching you dance,” his voice was calm and for the first time in those few weeks of working together, they finally had a conversation that didn’t start and end in insults and arguments. “You were always so...passionate about it. Putting your all into it even when you thought no one was watching. You didn’t even need music to dance to —everything just flowed through you already.”

Hoseok was surprised by Hyungwon’s soft tone and his gentle praising words, and he half-expected for Hyungwon to bring up some of the faults in his dancing as well. It was impossible for Hoseok to ever even imagine Hyungwon being so kind anymore, even if they had been friends for as long as he could remember. He didn’t really know what to say in response and not a single part of him wanted to thank Hyungwon for his words. He had absolutely no reason to thank him and he wondered if Hyungwon had forgotten that. Hyungwon could praise him as much as he wanted to, compliment him on every little thing he did, but he would never owe Hyungwon an apology and he would never thank him for his words.

“But then you took all that away from me, remember?” Hoseok’s voice was low, almost as though he was fearful of just saying the words aloud, fearful of bringing those unwanted memories back to the forefront of his mind.

Hyungwon sighed, his features gentle and an almost regretful smile on his face. “I’ll never forget it.”

“You’re not even gonna say sorry after all these years?” Hoseok’s voice was getting louder and he clenched his fists, almost trembling in a steadily building rage.

“It was years ago! Hoseok, let—”

“No! You fucking took everything from me!” He didn’t even notice the tears until they quickly began to slide down his cheeks and to his chin. “I did nothing to you even when you destroyed everything I had worked for!” It was a little scary how easily their conversations always fell this way. Scary, and a little sad as well. It was like they all those years they spent as friends meant nothing anymore and honestly maybe they didn’t, but it was still sad how they could even say one nice thing to each other.

“I didn’t even do anything! How many fucking times must I say that until you shut up about it?” The once gentle voice of Hyungwon completely vanished in an instant as he raised his voice back at him, his brows furrowed and his eyes dark.

“Making excuses isn’t going to change anything!”

“And whining about it isn’t going to either, dumbass!”

He had heard Hyungwon yelling at him so many times in just that past week and he was tired of it. Hoseok couldn’t take hearing him talk about the past like it never happened or that he did nothing wrong. All he ever wanted was to dance. He had practised since he was a child and he always dreamed of the day he’d finally achieve it; the day he’d finally have people watching. But all of that was taken away from him four years ago and he was left with a constant painful reminder of that.

The blond stomped over to Hyungwon, their faces mere inches apart as their gazes were locked in almost somewhat of a battle. “ You destroyed everything. You took everything away from me cause you were always that greedy, competitive asshole who had to have everything just to appease that pathetic ego of yours. You always have to be better than everyone.”

“Hoseok, stop acting like a fucking child! It was a stupid audition!” Hyungwon spat back.

His whole body was shaking in anger and it took every last ounce of self-control he still had left to not punch Hyungwon right then and there. “An audition that decided if all I had worked for was even worth it.”

With a sharp exhale through his nose and a pathetic laugh at just how ridiculous the situation was, Hyungwon shook his head in disbelief. “You fucking injured yourself! How is that my fault?”

“You knew that dance audition meant everything to me, yet you still went for it even if it meant nothing to you!”

“You’re the idiot who kept practising and never let your injury heal properly. So, do me a favour, Hoseok: stop trying to fucking blame me for this already and start focusing on photography! You’re never gonna be able to dance again so just get over it! That’s what I had to do.”

It was never about Hoseok hating his career. It was never about him not appreciating his work and he never once let anything get in the way of it, either. In fact, Hoseok loved what he did and he wouldn’t give it up for anything. But he missed be able to dance. He wished he still could go out to that little path down by the river and dance until he felt ready to collapse from exhaustion. He missed that feeling of freedom that dancing brought to him and how it was just so relaxing to him, taking all his stress off his mind for just a while. But that while was always enough.

Photography was his passion, but dancing and performing was his dream and he’d never wanted to give that up either.

Maybe that’s why, hearing those words just pool from Hyungwon’s lips like tiny sharpened needles, he felt his chest tighten and he felt almost ready to choke. He knew more tears were on the way and he couldn’t handle that feeling anymore. He just couldn’t handle the suffocating feeling of wanting to scream but being able to do nothing. He hadn’t feel like he had no control over his life anymore.

It all happened so fast; how Hoseok lost all control of himself and his mind went blank, raising his fist and swinging it right at Hyungwon’s jaw. The sound rang in his ears for several seconds that felt like an eternity to him and he saw Hyungwon stumble to the side, but all Hoseok did was smile to himself and stomped away, leaving Hyungwon there in shock.

 

\---

 

Hoseok sat there, staring at the cappuccino he had ordered as he impatiently waited for it to cool off (having once already burned his tongue on it). His eyes darted over to the cup across from him, the cup of simple black coffee, and he made a face just thinking of the bitterness. “I don’t know how you can drink _that_ ,” he said in almost a whisper but loud enough for his friend, Changkyun, to hear.

“Wakes me up more,” he deadpanned, too focused on his book in hand.

Hoseok let out a sigh, bored out of his mind, and sunk down in his seat, folding his arms over his chest and giving a small pout. The small cafe was pretty quiet, but not quiet enough for the throbbing headache he was trying to manage through the day with. “You know I swear, work lately has done nothing but give me day long headaches and I’m _really tired_ of taking pills for it. But good god, it’s driving me insane!” Changkyun said nothing in response to Hoseok’s complaints, just simply nodding his acknowledge as he continued to read. “Are you even listening to me?” the blond whined, frowning at his friend.

“Do I have a choice?” Changkyun finally peeked up at him from behind the pages, giving him a soft smile and chuckle. The younger took a glance at the door of the cafe, to which Hoseok noted was around the fourth time he’s done that in the half hour they were there for already.

Only a few minutes past before the little bell above the door chimed and Changkyun wasted no time in turning his head to see who it was, and Hoseok swore he heard his friend whisper a quiet _“finally!”_ to himself when he did. Hoseok peeked up from fiddling with the hem of his shirt to see Changkyun calling over the man who had entered. Chae Hyungwon.

“Changkyun, what the fuck are you doing?” Hoseok growled at him and his friend simply continued to smile at Hyungwon, who was making his way over to them both with his hands tucked away in the pockets of his coat.

“I’ve gotten really tired of you two fighting so much, so,” Changkyun trailed his sentence off there, scooting over in his seat to allow Hyungwon room to sit down. Hoseok just wanted to hide away, and he didn’t even try to hate his hatred for this idea when he let out a sound of disgust and didn’t even spare a glance in Hyungwon’s direction.

When Hyungwon did sit down though, the two gave small greetings to each other (nothing more than a simple and awkward _”hi”_ though). And Hoseok noticed that the bruise on Hyungwon’s face from yesterday is gone, but then again the model seems to have just come a photoshoot so he probably had enough makeup on to hide it well enough.

The night was awkward, but him and Hyungwon managed through it without getting pissed off or having a fight, and their strategy to be able to do that is just quite simply not speak to each other. Hoseok did laugh with the two of them when Changkyun made Hyungwon order a large cappuccino instead of a latte though as he witnessed once again just how persistent his friend can be. Then he started to wonder how Changkyun and Hyungwon become close enough for the the model to be comfortable enough to agree to join the two of them. But he quickly brushed that off as it wasn’t really that important.

It all felt so familiar. It felt like how things were only a few years ago when him and Hyungwon would be able to laugh and smile in each other’s presence, though back then it was usually at each other. It made him almost nostalgic actually, and maybe a little sad. He was most surprised though that, when they had all said goodbye to each other outside the cafe, needing to all go home at last, that Hoseok and Hyungwon actually managed to save goodbye to each other and give a small wave. And Hoseok swears that when Hyungwon was turning away he caught a soft, delicate smile. But he could’ve been imagining it as well. That seemed the most likely.

 

\---

 

Looking at himself in the slightly fogged mirror in his bathroom, Hyungwon sighed loudly at his reflection as the bright red bruise on his jaw was far more visible than he had expected (it was no wonder why the makeup crew had to use much more than usual just to cover it up for his shoot). Just as he was about to grab the towel to dry his hair off a bit more, there was a knock at the front door. Quickly throwing on the clothes he had already wore that day, he hurried to the door and answered with a loud groan.

It was Hoseok.

The blond looked pissed; his chest heaving as he panted (possibly from running), his cheeks were flushed a hue of red and his bangs was sticking just slightly to his forehead from the very thin layer of sweat that lined it. “Did one of the staff give you my address?” Hyungwon questioned with a raised brow.

Hoseok ignored the question as he pushed Hyungwon to the side so he could enter the flat. “How can you fucking do this to me? _Again!_ ” he shouted, not caring how loud he was as he fumed with anger. Hyungwon shut the door with a soft click before finally turning to the man and sighing.

“You did punch me, remember? Not exactly something you can do to a model and get away with.” His tone was soft unlike Hoseok’s, but his words were sharp and that small smirk on his lips just proved more that Hyungwon was quite happy with what he had done.

“You’re trying to get me fired?!” Hoseok stomped over to him, looking almost ready to hit him again like he had only the day before.

“Well, obviously the stylist asked what happened the very second he noticed this,” he pointed to the bruise on his jaw, “and I wasn’t going to lie to him,” he sounded proud of himself and that pissed Hoseok off even more. Hyungwon moved past Hoseok, wandering into his bedroom with the older following quickly behind him, still shouting insults at him about how he’s always ruining Hoseok’s life.

“Maybe I’ll just try to take your modelling career away from you as well!” Hoseok spat, halting just beside Hyungwon who was at his dresser and removing the earrings the stylist gave him earlier that day. “Perhaps then you can go back to trying to sing, though it looks like that didn’t go so well for you, did it?” Hyungwon rolled his eyes, sighing as he could already see where Hoseok was going with it. “I can remember how you were such an amazing dancer and singer, but you always tried your best at singing the most. I can even remember all the times you talked about how you wanted to perform for people, how you wanted everyone to hear your voice but you only ever sang for me.”

“And what about you?” Hyungwon shifted all his weight to one leg while he folded his arms over his chest. “Became a photographer even after all that time and practice and effort you put into dancing.”

Hoseok clenched his fists, still trying to hold himself back from hitting Hyungwon. “At least people get to see my work. No one ever even got to hear you sing. And the few that did? Didn’t even fucking care.” It felt so good to Hoseok when that smirk on Hyungwon’s face faded and a slight shade of pink crept onto his cheeks.

“At least I still get to be the centre of attention. At least I still get to be on a stage sometimes and be the one that everyone looks at. You’re gonna be behind a camera the rest of your life and no one’s even gonna know who you are,” Hyungwon growled back. “Such a shame too, you were an amazing dancer,” he used that condescending tone so well whenever he spoke.

“Fine by me. And, hey, maybe it’s a good thing you settled for being a model ‘cause you were only ever a face anyway.” Hoseok wore a slight smirk as he could so easily tell that all of his words struck some kind of nerve inside Hyungwon, and maybe they even hurt him more than he expected. “So I think things worked out for the best that you didn’t get to be a singer—”

He was interrupted as a sharp and panicked gasp was pushed out of his lungs suddenly. He didn’t know how it happened or even what happened, but he found himself shoved against the wall harshly, the contact stinging his back as he arched his spine against it with a hiss.

“You are pathetic, you know that?” Hyungwon yelled back, his eyes wide with anger. Hoseok tried to push himself away from the wall but Hyungwon stomped over to him, forcing him back. “I apologised so many times for something that wasn’t even my fault to begin with but here you are, five fucking years later and you’re still a little brat about it!”

“Not your fault? You ruined my whole chance with that audition!”

“Just because I entered as well doesn’t mean you couldn’t have won! It was your fault that you were forced out because you were too damn impatient to let your leg heal,” Hyungwon spat back at him, his eyes burning and his fists clenched. “You would’ve won even if I entered!”

“If I entered a singing audition against you, you would’ve gotten pissed as well,” Hoseok placed both hands on Hyungwon’s chest and pushed him away but Hyungwon stomped back over to him. 

“No, I wouldn’t. I would’ve enjoyed the competition and it’d be more comfortable to be there with a friend as well.”

Hoseok scoffed, turning his head away as he couldn’t even look at Hyungwon anymore. “And if I had won?”

“Then I would’ve congratulated a friend on his achievements,” Hyungwon’s voice was softer than before but that anger and annoyed seeped out from between his teeth. 

The blond looked back at him, for a moment actually considering. And he couldn’t believe that himself. It sort of scared him and he quickly pushed it all to the side as he instead tried to push Hyungwon again once again, unable to have this argument any longer. “I’m leaving.”

Hyungwon pushed him back again, glaring down at him but Hoseok didn’t even flinch he just fought back with a look that could kill if it was possible. “You came here at ten at night to yell at me, I am not letting you leave that easily.”

“Why not? Don’t you want me to go? You hate me, after all.”

Hyungwon looked taken aback by Hoseok’s words but kept his feet firmly on the floor. “I did not entire that audition to piss you off or hurt you. I entered because I wanted to learn from you.”

“Learn from me? You were always a better dancing than me, Hyungwon.” Hoseok dropped his gaze and he gave a sigh so soft that Hyungwon didn’t even notice it at all.

“That’s what you thought?” Hyungwon used his hand to forced Hoseok to look back at him, but the blond wasted no time in slapping his hand away in disgust. “Hoseok, everything I knew about dancing I learned from you and I was still learning. So don’t you dare tell me that I’m a better dancer and then blame me for this whole mess.”

Hoseok didn’t say anything, neither of them said anything. A bit of anger was still burning in Hoseok’s eyes and he wanted to say something, to fight back again because he couldn’t leave it like that. But he didn’t know what else to say. With a few shakes of his head, he let his eyes roam everywhere but at Hyungwon. “I-I-I… I need to go it’s getting late...” his sentence trailed to a low whisper.

Hyungwon didn’t budge. He stayed perfectly still and just stared at Hoseok, something flickering over his eyes too quickly to pinpoint what it was. “Hyungwon?” Hoseok called, furrowing his brows. He was about to push Hyungwon out of the way and he wondered why he didn’t, why didn’t just shove him away again when he had the physical advantage anyway. But Hoseok did nothing. He just watched as Hyungwon took another step closer and Hoseok thought he was just getting angrier or something, ready to scream at him and just wanting for the right moment. And for second there it looked like he was going to, but when Hyungwon opened his mouth his voice was soft and low like the words were not meant for anyone to hear.

“It was never to hurt you.”

“W-What’s wrong with you?” Hoseok whispered, his voice shaking a little. He pushed himself more into the wall behind him, his fingers meeting with the cold surface even. “Answer m—” His eyes widened as he was cut off, forced to swallow his own words as his mind went completely blank. For just a moment he was pulled away from the wall a few inches just so Hyungwon could slam him back against it roughly. Hyungwon’s hands gripped hard at Hoseok’s shoulders as the blond hissed at the pain shooting up his back from the harsh contact with the wall. His mind was fried as it took him a few extra seconds just to collect himself enough to become aware of what had even happened to begin with. And it took him even longer to realise that Hyungwon’s lips were pressed against his and that his tongue had taken its chance well before to push inside his mouth.

He wasn’t entirely sure why he didn’t just push Hyungwon away, but then again his mind was still blank and he had barely managed to collect him or the situation he was in. He practically in shock as Hyungwon’s tongue swirled around his own in such slow motions (but not hesitate at all), and Hoseok couldn’t even bring himself to respond to it.

When Hyungwon pulled away, his cheeks flushed a bright hue of red and a little confused himself, he pressed his forehead to Hoseok and both seemed to have forgotten their fight as so many questions instead came flooding over and making everything else seem hundreds of years away.

“I swear, I would’ve never done anything to hurt you,” he whispered, making sure Hoseok heard him perfectly despite how unreal everything felt in that moment. When Hyungwon pulled away, finally able to take control of himself once again and looking just as much of a mess as Hoseok felt. “I...I, uhh… At least t-that… shut you up.” The brunet cleared his throat as best he could without it seemingly like that kiss wasn’t planned. Because it wasn’t, but letting Hoseok know it was just a loss of control seemed much worse to Hyungwon than simply having met it as nothing.

But that all broke apart when Hyungwon himself seemed to break as well.

“I’m so sorry. I…” Hyungwon trailed off, not even sure how to say the words. He didn’t know how to apologise for what he had done. His heart was pounding in his chest out of complete shock and a little of fear as well, and he backed away from Hoseok just by two short steps. “I don’t know what just happened, I just… I’m so, so sorry about that.” He raked his fingers through his still damp hair and shook his head at himself. “Maybe you should just go and I’ll—”

"Shut up, Hyungwon." Hoseok didn’t give him anytime to finish that sentence as he himself had just become so completely lost in the moment as well. He moved over to Hyungwon quickly before anything else could stop him and took the brunet by surprise when he threw his arms over his shoulders. Hyungwon shut up entirely, his lips just slightly parted as he stared down at Hoseok with a bright flush of red on both of their cheeks. Neither of them could wrap their heads around what was happening or how it happened, and Hyungwon still believed it was just a dream. Some weird kind of dream and he’d wake up from it soon. But part of him didn’t want to wake up then. 

As for Hoseok, it all felt like some kind of betrayal. Like everything he spent all these years building up for himself and all the memories he held onto were just lies, that they all just crumpled to pieces in front of him the moment he felt Hyungwon’s lips on his. He suddenly remember the fight they had just been in, where both of them were just so angry and Hoseok would’ve actually done anything to make sure that Hyungwon got only more pissed off at him. And for a second a far too specific thought wandered to the forefront of his mind: will this piss off Hyungwon? And he stuck to that, telling himself that the reason why he was leaning forward, closing the gap between their lips, was because he just wanted to piss Hyungwon off more. But Hyungwon didn’t pull away

The brunet instead moved his lips against Hoseok so smoothly like he had expected this and had time to prepare himself for it. It was even Hyungwon who parted his lips first, running his tongue over Hoseok’s lips and tried to gently pry at them as a hint until he parted them just enough. Just enough for him to push his tongue inside and it sort of surprised Hyungwon how easily Hoseok gave in and let his tongue explore, let his tongue taste the mix of strawberries as he swirled their tongues together and mapped out every inch of Hoseok’s mouth.

Hyungwon was so careful and gentle with every movement, and as his hands snaked down from Hoseok’s shoulder blades to his waist, holding him still in place as he only pressed himself against Hoseok harder. He felt like he was drowning in his taste. His sweet taste of mixed berries and a hint of vanilla. It was odd at first, but Hyungwon definitely didn’t mind it. The most odd part was knowing that his lips were attached to _Hoseok’s_.

 _Hoseok_ , his old friend that he’s almost certain hated him in that moment.

His mind was clouded with question after question that he was too scared to even try to answer. And the haze only grew thicker the moment he felt Hoseok tilt his head down just enough to break the kiss, all so that he could let out the quietest moan against his lips. It made Hyungwon shiver and he wasn’t sure why. But the way it sounded; so low, so quiet like he wasn’t meant to hear it, and so shaky that he wondered if Hoseok was even aware that he made such a sound. It was cute, _precious_. Maybe Hyungwon did know why he liked it so much, but he just didn’t want to admit it even to himself.

Not like he had much time to ponder on it though as he tightened his hold on Hoseok’s waist, pushing them both towards the wall until Hoseok’s back made contact with it once again.

“Fuck,” Hoseok inhaled a shaky breath, their lips mere centimetres apart and his eyes completely focused on Hyungwon’s and how he gently bit at his bottom lip. It drove Hoseok crazy just watching and it drove him crazy that he liked it. “How did this happen again?”

“Who cares?” Hyungwon towered over Hoseok, causing him to shrink as Hyungwon ran his fingers through his blond locks. He pulled his hands away, immediately going for Hoseok’s shirt and the buttons that kept it on. He made quick work of undoing them all from top to bottom, and even Hoseok was a little surprised with how easily he was able to undo them. Hyungwon discarded the shirt on the floor before turning back to Hoseok. There was a low curse in a whisper from the brunet as he trailed his hands along the expanse of Hoseok’s exposed chest. Hoseok held back a chuckle and an amused smile as he watched the younger’s look of awe.

Hyungwon only snapped out of his trance when he felt a finger poke at his waist. He looked down, noticing that Hoseok’s fingers were undoing the zipper of his jeans in a hurry. Hoseok gripped the waistband and paused, catching Hyungwon’s attention again when he called him in a soft voice.

The model looked at him again, nodding. “If you’re worried or scared then say so, because we won’t go any further if you are.”

“I’m not.”

“Not even a little?”

Hoseok gave a soft smile in response and a slight shake of his head. Before Hoseok could do anything else though, Hyungwon reached over his head for the back of his sweater and pulled it off in one quick motion. Hoseok breathed in a shaky breath as he pulled his gaze away from the other’s body with a slight hue of red creeping over his cheeks.

“Like what you see?” Hyungwon put in with a smirk.

“Nothing great.” The blond teased him a bit before, finally, he pulled down the jeans at last. He was surprised to immediately see that Hyungwon wasn’t even wearing any underwear, and the red on his cheeks deepened as he quickly straightened himself. Fighting against every temptation to look at Hyungwon’s fully exposed body right in front him, nearly pressed up against him, Hoseok thought it better to instead awkwardly look everywhere except at Hyungwon.

Hyungwon noticed all the awkward shifting and furrowed his brows. “You’re certain?” A shade of pink spread lightly over Hyungwon’s cheeks as well, but for him it was simply because of how _right_ it all felt.

With just a nod in response, Hoseok finally let his gaze drop, finally giving in to the temptation to look. He’s never seen Hyungwon like that, so vulnerable and exposed, standing so close to him and the proximity heating them both up almost unbearably. The way he ran his tongue over his lips at the sight though, and the feeling that coiled itself in the pit of his stomach told him that he liked all of it, that he liked having Hyungwon standing so close to him and his breath hitting against his neck like that. But he didn’t know if he should like it at all. Every part of him tells him that it’s everything he fought against for all these years, and it’s all crashing down on him in that moment. But every part of him also screams at him for how perfect this is, how long overdue, and how _needed_ it is as well.

He wanted all of it, every last second of it, but he also wanted to hate how much he needed it all as well. But it was so hard to hate the situation he was in with Hyungwon towering over him like that when every last drop of his self control was screaming at him to kiss Hyungwon. To pull him close and taste him, drown in it. To fall under his control and obey every word, every command. To feel his hands around him in ways he never that Hyungwon would ever touch him in. He wanted to see what aroused Hyungwon, to feel how much strength he had, how much energy and how precise, see if he was gentle or rough and find out if he’d fuck him harder if he was—

“Are you okay?”

Hoseok let out a breath he hadn’t been aware he held in and he was more than thankful for Hyungwon interrupting his thoughts and pulling him back to reality. But then he was able to notice the tightness in his jeans and how restricting it felt.

“If you don’t want to do this, then just say so.” Hyungwon’s voice sounded so calm and steady, so soft and relaxing and Hoseok wondered how he did that, how he managed to keep himself together so well despite the situation.

Hoseok brought his hands up to Hyungwon’s shoulder and tightly grasped them, holding onto him like he’d fall if he didn’t and Hyungwon hissed just slightly at the pain but said nothing. “I want to,” the blond let out, looking up at Hyungwon, “I really, _really_ want to.”

That’s all he needed to hear. Without wasting even another second, Hyungwon wrapped his arms around Hoseok’s waist and walked them both over to the rather large bed in the back. Hoseok bit his lip shyly as he could feel Hyungwon’s erection pressing against his lower stomach and he didn’t dare look. No matter how much he wanted to. With one quick motion, Hoseok was sent crashing backwards onto the bed and he was glad to have at least been able to collect himself quickly as Hyungwon wasted no time in going straight for his pants. Hoseok threw his head back into the blankets, throwing his arms above his head and grabbing at the sheets to hold on to.

When he had gotten both his pants and underwear off and tossed somewhere in the direction of their other clothes, Hyungwon couldn’t help the way he trailed his gaze all over Hoseok’s body, admiring every last inch of him with a few quiet curses under his breath.

As he stared down at Hoseok, how his legs hung over the edge of the bed and his fingers tugged at the sheets beneath him, how his lips were parted just barely and his eyes looked up at with such desperation, Hyungwon stopped to question the situation as well. But he loved it. He loved how much and how easily he wrecked Hoseok. And somehow all their immature arguments seemed so far away and pointless, almost regrettable even, but part of him had to admit that it was very possible that their arguments led them there to that moment. Because knowing all the arguments they had gotten in made the sight of Hoseok so vulnerable beneath him so much hotter as well.

Hyungwon wondered if it was a little strange that remembering Hoseok’s face all flushed in anger and the way his voice would shake whenever he got too pissed off made it all so much more beautiful and made him adore the sight of Hoseok looking up at him so desperately. He could so easily picture the flush on Hoseok’s face when he yelled at Hyungwon a countless number of times, reminding him of the kind of person he was and all the things he did, and Hyungwon honestly couldn’t wait to see that same flush on his face with his hair sticking to his forehead and his whole body twitching violently, drenched in layers upon layers of sweat all while Hyungwon’s hovering over him and fucking into him. And god, Hyungwon couldn’t get the thought out of his mind of just how Hoseok would sound. He couldn’t wait to see the look in Hoseok’s eyes when he as deep inside of as he can be, and to see just how much Hoseok could take and rather he needed to be gentle with him or he would plead for him be rougher. He wanted to hear if Hoseok was loud or if he just let out little shaky whines. And _god_ , did he hope Hoseok wanted him to be rough.

He wanted to find out all of Hoseok’s limits and push him past them all if he’d let him.

But most of all, Hyungwon couldn’t believe all of those thoughts had become his main focus. But it was also to be expected with the way that Hoseok looked at him like he was trying to find the right words in order to beg Hyungwon to touch him. He just looked so beautiful and needy in his state and Hyungwon couldn’t help the unexpected smile that his lips spread into.

Everything felt so right, so Hyungwon didn’t understand why they both kept trying to deny that.

Hyungwon crawled on top of Hoseok, watching how he sharply inhaled when he pressed his knees against his sides and wrapped his fingers around his wrists that Hoseok had simply already pinned above his head on his own while waiting. Hyungwon’s hold was rather loose and especially gentle, and Hoseok could easily slide himself free if he so wanted; but despite that he still felt trapped and _fuck_ did it make his whole body tremble as he choked down a moan and trembled in Hyungwon’s grasp.

Some part of him truly had expected Hyungwon to much more rough, much more sadistic and merciless in every sinful touch and every way he held eye contact with Hoseok. And another part of him wanted to hate how he wished Hyungwon actually was that rough. But all of his thoughts were interrupted when Hyungwon shifted his weight a little just so he could adjust himself into a position that allowed their members to touch, and Hoseok let out a gasp in response.

As Hyungwon stilled himself, staring down at Hoseok and watching how his lip quivered, he felt something spark through him and suddenly all of the words he had forced himself to swallow so many years ago hung on the very tip of his tongue. He was always so scared of them years ago and he managed to get himself to forget them after so long and so many battles with himself. But as he stared down at Hoseok in that moment, everything feeling like a million years away except for them, it felt right to finally say them. But before he let himself say the words aloud, he captured Hoseok’s lips into something so sloppy and yet still so sweet and Hyungwon could only hope that the older didn’t make out those words from the way he slid his tongue along his bottom lip and nibbled at it. Hoseok let out a soft moan at the little bites as he tried to get Hyungwon to push his tongue inside his mouth already.

Hoseok rolled his hips sinfully and earned himself a groan from them both. The feeling and friction of Hyungwon’s dick rubbing against his made his brain short-circuit and before he knew it his breaths were heavy and harsh, his throat dry, and his back arching into every little movement. And it was almost torturous how no matter which direction Hyungwon moved or even how little he moved, it would still send sparks running up Hoseok’s spine and to his head, causing him to moan out against Hyungwon’s lips. And Hyungwon was practically swallowing them all, living for each and every one that Hoseok let out.

Hyungwon’s needy and sloppy thrusts came to a complete stop and Hoseok immediately growled through his teeth in protest. “No, don’t stop!” He bucked his hips up again, trying to find that same friction (and he pushed his head down into the mattress when he did.)

“God, you’re so beautiful and perfect,” the words just poured from Hyungwon’s lips before he could catch them but he didn’t care anymore. Hyungwon attacked Hoseok’s neck with his lips, adding in some teeth as well as he sucked and nibbled and licked at the delicate flesh, marking it with bruises and deciding not to worry about them until later. Hoseok let out some incoherent curses and maybe even some pleas were mixed in there as well when he tilted his head back to allow Hyungwon more access to his neck. When Hyungwon’s teeth met with the side of his neck, Hoseok winced at the slight pain but immediately followed it with a loud whine from between his teeth as Hyungwon grounded himself down against him once again.

Hyungwon released Hoseok’s wrists at last (thankful that he hadn’t bruised either of them) and the dry friction came to a stop. As Hoseok opened his mouth to protest once more, Hyungwon pulled away and even stood from the bed. “No no no. _Fuck_ , Hyungwon, Please keep going!” Hoseok had thought Hyungwon suddenly changed his mind about it all and he was ready to do as much begging as he needed to get him to stay, unable to stay in this state for much longer. But when the younger smiled down at him, he knew Hyungwon wasn’t intending on leaving him there like that any time soon. Though Hoseok was a bit surprised as well because it only took a second of seeing Hyungwon stand from the bed after everything he had just did for Hoseok’s mind to wander into thoughts of Hyungwon meaning none of it, that it was all his way of getting Hoseok to submit all control to him just so he could crush him beneath it all. But he knew Hyungwon wasn’t like that.

He knew Hyungwon wasn’t that cruel, no matter what he blamed him for.

“All fours,” Hyungwon demanded with small waving motion of his hand, but yet his voice lacked any sort of demanding tone.

With a sigh, Hoseok threw his hands over his face in embarrassment. “ _I can’t_. You should know already that I can’t stand on my knees anymore.”

“Not even with your weight on your arms instead?”

Hoseok peeked at him from between his fingers and sent warning glares that if he didn’t drop the request already then he’d be the one the one to walk out of there and leave Hyungwon a complete mess and confused. Fortunately, Hyungwon got the hint and didn’t say another word, instead finally going over to the stand beside his bed and pulled open the drawer.

When he returned to Hoseok with a small bottle of lube, he lifted the older’s legs and wrapped them around his waist so he could fit himself comfortably between his legs. “Is this better?” Hoseok nodded in response as he covered his face with his hands again, feeling how his body tensed up the moment that he heard the bottle click open. He kept his eyes covered, but it didn’t take long until he felt their position shift a little, Hyungwon lifting one of his legs over his shoulder instead, and then a finger slowly pushed inside of him. At first he winced a little, but he slowly got himself to relax as the digit slid in and out of him with ease.

Hyungwon must’ve noticed this as he asked, “another?” and Hoseok nodded in response, keeping his face covered as he muffled his moans behind his hands. When he felt Hyungwon slip in a second finger though, burying them both inside of him to the knuckle, he arched his back involuntarily and suddenly everything felt so much more intense. _Too intense_. And it really didn’t help that it pushed Hyungwon’s long fingers into the perfect spot to press against his prostate, and Hyungwon wasted no time in finding a pace that allowed him to abuse that spot.

“Fuck! Fuck!” Hoseok finally pulled his hands away from his face and threw them onto the bed, fisting at the sheets beneath him as he melted into the feeling. Hyungwon pushed in a third finger without question and found that angle once more, running his tongue over his lips as he savoured each and every reaction from Hoseok and let himself drown in each sound that he made. From the little twitches and how Hoseok grounded himself against Hyungwon’s fingers, to the whines and harsh curses that pooled out. They were so perfect.

Hyungwon pulled his fingers out and Hoseok, who was already feeling so close to his limit, was about to throw more protests in Hyungwon’s direction but when he heard the cap of the bottle click open again he shut himself immediately with a bit of his lip. And it was only seconds later that he felt Hyungwon’s cock press against his entrance and he worked on steadying himself for what was to come. 

The moment he felt Hyungwon push inside of him he threw his head back and his mouth opened into a drawn out moan, his eyes shutting tightly. Hyungwon slowly pushed himself all the way inside, leaning forward with a deep groan and dropping his head a bit. He placed one hand down for support just beside Hoseok’s head while his other held onto the blond’s waist tightly. He used that grip on his waist to pull Hoseok closer to him, ensuring that he buried in him as deep as he could.

He wasted no time in pulling back out but barely for even a second as he pushed back inside. Hoseok whined so perfectly against the force as it was just what he wanted: deeper than he thought he’d be able to handle and harder than he ever expected Hyungwon was capable of, but yet it also felt so careful at the same time like Hyungwon was still worried about hurting him. Like he could still go further and Hoseok wanted to test if that was true.

“M-More! More…” Hoseok begged, throwing his arms over Hyungwon’s shoulders and pulling him down into a kiss.

Hyungwon made sure to comply as he picked up in speed, not caring how exhausted or sore they’d both be, and no matter how exhausted he was already becoming. He found a pace that he thought was already pretty much relentless and he wanted to stop to ask if Hoseok was okay, but from the little noises that ranged from moans to harsh whines and to even near screams, not to mention the blissed out expression he wore, all told Hyungwon that he was enjoying every last second of it. And Hyungwon felt proud, giving a short-lived smirk and then smile as he stared down at him.

He tried to recreate that perfect angle that he had with his fingers earlier and it took a few tries, but he knew he had found it again when Hoseok dug his nails into the nape of his neck. Hyungwon hissed at the pain but tried his best to ignore it, not wanting to break the near perfect pace he had managed himself into. He got his revenge by digging his nails into Hoseok’s waist anyway. He brought his lips back to Hoseok’s neck and kissed down the area, nibbling and sucking at it as he could feel how Hoseok’s throat vibrated against his lips with each moan and scream. And the taste of sweat in his harshly dry throat made him suddenly aware that the noises he made weren’t much quieter than Hoseok’s. Or at all quieter. And he was screaming a few times as well even.

Hoseok tightened around his cock and what was already so torturously tight just became worse and Hyungwon could feel himself nearing his limit as Hoseok practically squeezed him. And it didn’t help that Hyungwon himself was well aware of how his dick pulsed with the desire and need to come already.

“I’m close!” Hoseok cried out, pulling Hyungwon closer to his neck as he grounded himself down further onto his cock. “Harder! Please!” Hyungwon wasn’t entirely sure if he could fulfill that request as he was already exhausted and his pace was falling with his own orgasm quickly closing in on him. But he did his best and just as he pushed back inside Hoseok his teeth found the perfect spot on the side of his neck to bite down into. He felt Hoseok wince at it but he also heard a rather beautiful whine from him, too, that held his name inside it. And fuck were the sinful ways Hoseok began to moan and chant his name enough to throw him over the edge. He used all his remaining strength to fuck back inside Hoseok as much as he could, and it didn’t take much longer until Hoseok’s whole body tensed around him and pulsed.

“You sound so sweet,” Hyungwon commented, hearing how Hoseok responded with yet another moan of his name. Seeing Hoseok so close, Hyungwon wrapped a hand around Hoseok’s cock and started off immediately with quick pumps, watching as Hoseok’s eyes rolled back and his body jerked around, his legs straightening out over Hyungwon’s shoulder and waist and his back arching deeper into the touches.

He felt Hoseok’s cum spill down his fingers but he ignored it as he bit down harder on his neck, still continuing to pump him in time with his thrusts as he drew out a few more moans. And it was all just enough to bring him to his limit as well. Detaching his teeth from his neck, Hyungwon settled for moaning against his neck as he began to chant out words that he hadn’t expected to, “I love you. I love you. I love you so much.” And ones that he tried to throw away before they rolled off his tongue as well. But that didn’t work out so well.

Burying himself inside Hoseok once more, he screamed out his name as he felt his seed fill him and thankfully it was before Hoseok’s sensitivity kicked in too much. Hyungwon wasted no time in pulling out and throwing himself down onto his side next to the exhausted Hoseok.

No words were exchanged for a while as they both panted raggedly, trying their hardest to catch their breaths despite the dryness of their throats from all the moaning and screaming. Hoseok was the first to break the silence. “That was…amazing.” And Hyungwon was the first to laugh as well, letting all the sounds and feelings and visuals of their last few minutes together pool around in his head once again. And all he could do was hope that Hoseok hadn’t heard anything he said near the end.

“I’m going to...get something to clean up with,” Hyungwon said as he fought with his aching muscles to push himself off the bed.

 

\---

 

As the light poked in through the curtains and hit Hyungwon’s eyelids, he stirred in his sleep and peeked his eyes open, holding a hand in front of them to block out the intense light of the morning sun. He always felt more than just disoriented in the mornings and hated them most of all, but as he slowly sat up in the bed with a groan he felt more lost than ever and it only got worse when his eyes trailed down to see that he was naked.

“Why am I…?” he trailed off, not entirely caring about it as it seemed like a small detail in the back of his mind at the time. That is, until the events of the previous night slowly started to reawaken in his mind. He glanced to his side in a panic and his eyes widened to their fullest at the sight of Hoseok sleeping peacefully all curled up with the covers pulled up past his neck.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.” Hyungwon quickly got out of the bed (or rather jumped out) and dragged his fingers through his hair in frustration and a bit of concern. He wasn’t sure what to do but seeing as it was already ten in the morning, he didn’t have time to do anything. With hurried steps he grabbed an outfit for the day and practically raced into the bathroom for a shower. As the door was thrown shut, Hoseok jolted in his sleep from the noise. Though hooded with sleep, his eyes shot open and scanned the room (though they were still clouded with sleep as well and he couldn’t quite make out the details of the room). With a groan, he brought a hand up and tried to rub the sleep from them.

Questioning where the hell he ever was, he sat up and felt the cold air against his body and how his body shivered with out the soft, oddly expensive looking blankets. It was only then that he realised he didn’t have any clothes. The small panicked gasp he let out woke all his senses and he felt fully awake at last —as well as embarrassed as he looked around to make sure there was no one there to see him.

The sound of the shower turning on broke the silence around him and fear washed over him momentarily when he finally realised he wasn’t in his house. It took a few minutes of looking around the room with furrowed brows for him to recognise it as Hyungwon’s apartment, but then the memories of everything that happened the day before came crashing down on him all at once: The news of his job being on the line, the fight with Hyungwon, and then the sex as well. And as much as he remembered them both agreeing it’s what they wanted, he felt worried and maybe even a little embarrassed at himself as he remembered all the things he said yesterday and wondered if he might’ve seemed desperate to Hyungwon. He was desperate too, far too desperate and he was mentally kicking himself for letting his desires take over for the night.

He ran his fingers through his blond locks and tugged on them, hissing through his teeth as he felt hatred towards the whole situation and a little aimed at Hyungwon as well, and also frustration at the fact that he didn’t regret any of it. “Oh, fuck fuck, fuck, fuck…” he whined.

Throwing the sheets off, he wandered out of the bed and began to gather his clothes from the mess they had made on the floor and had to unfortunately wear them again until he at least got home to change into something that wasn’t dirty. Somewhere in the back of his mind he told himself he should leave right then and there before Hyungwon got out, but instead he let his curiosity get the better of him as he found himself wandering over to Hyungwon’s dresser. Glancing at himself in the large mirror above it, he saw an angry red and purple bruise on the side of his neck and he frowned at it, cursing Hyungwon’s existence in a whisper as he carefully ran the tips of his fingers over it.

Out of curiosity and lack of self-control (as well as having not known what Hyungwon’s been up to for last several years), he pulled open the top drawer expecting to just see a bunch of accessories inside since the makeup was already lining the top of the dresser. But instead he just saw four of what looked to be photo albums and then a sketchpad. All of the albums looked to be a good few years old at most except for the one with ‘modelling’ written across it, and the sketchpad looked very run down that Hoseok swears he even remembers Hyungwon bringing that with him sometimes years ago. Two of the albums had ‘animals’ written on it (which caused Hoseok to chuckle) and ‘scenery’. Hoseok never thought of Hyungwon as the photographer type so these came as a surprise. Although it was intriguing to find that the model may have an interest in photography, his own profession. It was the fourth album however that caught his attention the most.

The one that looked the oldest.

The one with the name _Shin Hoseok_ written on it.

He grabbed the photo album out of the drawer and went to take a seat on the bed. He flipped it open with furrowed brows and the first few pages were of them together in high school and photos appeared to slow down just after Hoseok graduated, because the pages after that mostly consisted of a bunch of random photos they took together and a few that were obviously taken on their birthdays.

He was extremely surprised to see that Hyungwon had saved all those photographs even after all the time that had passed (the high school ones were a good six and seven years ago as well) and not to mention all that had happened to them. Hoseok smiled as he looked through them and he could remember all of those photos, all of the time they spent together. But he also felt a sharp pain in his chest and his hands were starting to shake as he looked at them and realised that he had forgotten how close they used to be.

The pain he felt in those moments though, didn’t compare to the unexpected pain he felt when he had reached the middle page of the album and photographs that Hyungwon had taken of Hoseok dancing started to fill the pages. He looked so happy in them; his smiles were so bright and cheerful and full of hope. And the ones of him and Hyungwon together were so energetic and he couldn’t even remember the last time he saw Hyungwon put on such a beautiful smile that wasn’t faked for a few photoshoots.

Each page he turned, each new photo he saw, was like a sharpened reminder of what he lost. His eyes started running over the photographs much quicker as it became harder for him to admire them when each one made him feel like he was choking. Like something had knotted itself in his throat and was twisting and contorting inside.

And then they stopped.

The album hadn’t even been filled, still having three empty pages. But the photos of them together and of Hoseok dancing just stopped. The last photo in the album was of them grinning from ear to ear together inside a dance practice room, the large mirror behind them both.

He slammed the album close and stood from the bed, spinning on his heels as he threw it across the room in a rage and possibly even hatred that he aimed directly at himself. And as it hit the wall, dropping to the floor, he froze and held his breath when his eyes met with Hyungwon’s who stood just under the doorway. It was only then that he realised he no longer heard the shower running.

As he stared back at Hyungwon, their memories still fresh in his mind and the smiles they both shared years ago. He felt his legs getting weak and it became difficult just to stand. Even breathing became a difficult task as each intake felt like a knife embedding itself into his lungs. And in his tear blurred vision he saw Hyungwon walking over to him with hurried steps but the moment the younger reached him and tried to embrace him, Hoseok shoved him away and let himself drop onto the bed again.

Where he broke down, unable to take it anymore.

The tears just started to flow so quickly, his lip was quivering violently, and each ugly noise that forced its way out of his throat made him feel more and more pathetic. “How could you take all that away from me?!” he screamed into his hands, his voice harsh and almost incoherent. Hyungwon took a seat on the bed next to him and Hoseok immediately threw several weak punches to his shoulder. “Everything was so p-perfect back then…”

He was losing all of his strength and when he couldn’t even hit Hyungwon back anymore, the younger wrapped his arms around him and Hoseok hated how he pulled him closer, running his hand gently through his hair to calm him down.

“It’s all your fault! I fucking hate you for taking everything from me!”

“I know.” Hyungwon’s voice was so quiet and calm in that situation and part of it pissed Hoseok off even more. But what pissed him off the most was how Hyungwon agreed with him.

He shook his head, trying to throw more slaps to Hyungwon’s chest but he just didn’t have the strength. He knew it wasn’t Hyungwon’s fault but he refused to believe that himself. “It was so much easier to blame you… To hate you for ruining my life…” He couldn’t do it anymore as all the walls he built up for security began to crumble. “I needed someone else to b-blame… because it was easier that way. And you… you were there already..”

“No, it wasn’t your fault.”

Hoseok hated how comforting Hyungwon was being and how he pulled his head into his chest, but that was just him trying to maintain some of that security he built for himself.

Hyungwon’s words were actually all that he ever wanted to hear. And hearing them in that moment, whispered into his ear so soothingly from the one person he wanted to always hear them from made him feel like a weight was lifted off his shoulders. “H-Hyungwon?” he called softly and he heard a small noise of approval from the younger. He wanted to tell him that he heard him last, that he heard those words pour from his lips over and over. He wanted to tell Hyungwon that he heard every last _’I love you’s_ can’t,” Hoseok said that a little bit sharper than he had intended, not wanting to sound so aggressive. “I’ve injured my knee enough times as is after that day and it twists easier with each injury.”

“C’mon!” Hyungwon smiled wider, lacing his fingers with Hoseok’s as he stood them both from the bed. He slid his hands to Hoseok’s waist and swayed them both back and forth. As their gazes met and Hoseok’s cheeks flushed, Hyungwon gave him a grin from ear to ear and a small chuckle to top it off. His smile was so bright, so happy, and so beautiful. And it was so genuine. Hoseok had missed it so much and the sight of it again for the first time in years actually stopped his tears and the painful nostalgia and regret that had overrun him. Instead, he smiled back. And he threw his arms over Hyungwon’s shoulders, finally putting some effort in it as he moved them both as well.

It felt so strange to not being yelling at each other, to actually be enjoying each other’s company and smiling and laughing together.

There was no music but they didn’t need any, and it was such careful dancing but that didn’t matter either. Because Hoseok was dancing again, and he was dancing with Hyungwon.

He felt ridiculous, both of them dancing in time to a beat that didn't exist. The happiness it brought him had eventually seemed like a dream that made him far too hopeful. But there he was, moving his feet with Hyungwon as they were swaying side to side awkwardly and embarrassingly to no music. It wasn’t dancing he was used to, but it was enough to bring back that bright smile to his face as well and the sight of that filled Hyungwon’s heart with joy.

 

\---

 

“Break!” the manager called and immediately the staff behind the cameras started to move around as they all headed to eat lunch or grab yet another cup of coffee. Hyungwon let out a sigh as he stepped off the set they had put up in the open field and wandered over to the shoot manager. “Hyungwon, you can head over to the editor to look over the photos then you can go take your lunch. When you’re done, you should get your makeup touched up and then we can do some more shooting before relocating to the next spot.”

Without a word, Hyungwon nodded and scanned around the area, looking for a certain someone. When he spotted his blond hair in the crowd, Hyungwon smiled and pushed past a few people just to get over to him. It seemed as though Hoseok hadn’t heard him coming as he was too busy digging through his bag.

Hyungwon wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him back against him, catching the man off guard and hearing a gasp. “Now that your job is safe thanks to me, you’re not gonna yell at me on set anymore, are you?” Hyungwon whispered softly, earning a smile as Hoseok calmed down and put one hand over both of Hyungwon’s.

“Depends.” Hoseok peeled Hyungwon’s arms off of him long enough to turn himself around and peck the younger on the lips. “But you were the reason I nearly lost my job as well.”

“That was so long ago.”

“Hyungwon, it was last week.” He playfully slapped Hyungwon’s shoulder before pulling away, taking a seat on the grass as he reached for his coffee beside his bag. “Sip?” he questioned, offering the cup to Hyungwon who took it with a small ‘thank you’.

Just then, Hyungwon heard the manager yelling for him, probably wondering why he wasn’t looking over the photoshoot. “When we’re done here, how about we go down to the river and dance like we used to?”

“Sure, but only if you sing for me as well.”

Another shout from the manager.

“So, it’s a maybe then,” he laughed handing the coffee back to Hoseok.

With another yell and a small, empty threat once again, Hoseok laughed loudly and shook his head. “Better hurry.”

Ignoring both of them, Hyungwon stuffed his hands in the pockets of his jeans and shifted most of his weight to one leg. "How'd we even get like this?"

"We argued a lot, you kissed me, you practically confessed, and I cried a lot." Hoseok laughed sipping carefully at the hot drink in hand.

Leaning down, Hyungwon gave another soft kiss to Hoseok, both laughing and smiling against each other’s lips. “Because I’ve missed you so much,” he whispered lovingly, placing another peck on Hoseok’s lips after each word. "And don't you dare exclude how I fucked you into the mattress from your list there." Hyungwon laughed loudly when Hoseok practically spit up the coffee at his sudden inappropriate words

"Would you just fucking go work already, you sicko!" Hoseok pushed him away, a little embarrassed but unable to hide his smile. Hyungwon quickly leaned down one more time to peck Hoseok on the cheek and before he could say anything else, Hyungwon straightened himself and hurried over to his stylist with a satisfied grin on his face.

Hoseok watched him go, a smile on his face as well as he realised that the past few weeks had actually made up for the horrible past few years. Even if Hyungwon would never be able to sing for an audience and Hoseok would never be able to dance the way he used to, it didn’t matter because they could be each other’s audience.

And for once Hoseok felt safe again, like he had a reason to smile once again and it no longer mattered that they both couldn’t live the lives they wanted.

 

\---

 

“Would you just come out already!” Hyungwon shouted from behind the closed door.

“I swear to god if you laugh for even a second, I’ll make sure you can’t model ever again!”

Hyungwon chuckled quietly to himself at Hoseok’s empty threats and he heard shuffling on the other end of the bathroom door, then a running faucet. It took yet another two minutes for him to hear Hoseok nearing the door and he was ready to yell at him again to hurry up. But then the door was finally pulled open slowly and Hoseok stepped out with a towel draped over his head.

“Come on, let me see.” Hyungwon backed up, folding his arms over his chest as Hoseok shut the door behind him.

With one last sigh, Hoseok pulled the towel off his head to reveal his once light blond hair was completely silver, and the tips all around were lined and well blended with a soft blue. Hyungwon’s eyes widened and his jaw dropped; he was completely in awe at the look Hoseok had managed by himself. “Baby, that looks amazing!”

Hoseok made a face at the little name Hyungwon had slipped in there, but ignored it as he himself was surprised he actually liked it. “Are you sure? It doesn’t look weird or anything?”

“No! It looks really cool actually! It fits you so well, too.” Hyungwon’s compliments kept up and Hoseok couldn’t help the flush of red that crept over his face as he let every last one fuel his confidence in what he had just done to his hair. “Here, wait.” Hyungwon unfolded his arms to reveal Hoseok’s camera that he had been holding onto for the past hour that Hoseok had locked himself in the bathroom. “Smile and pose!” Hyungwon said with a chuckle and a wide grin on his face. He raised the camera, pointing it at Hoseok and catching him off guard. But he did his best to give a simple pose, one he had learned from working with Hyungwon for nearly two months already.

There was a click from the camera and small flash that momentarily blinded Hoseok. He thought it was safe to let his guard back down, but Hyungwon snapped another picture of him with a laugh.

“Alright now, give it back!” Hoseok stomped over to his lover, trying to take the camera away but Hyungwon raised it above his reach.

They still had their little immature arguments, of course. They were still childish and didn’t always see things the same way. But it was obvious even to them how much brighter their smiles have become since they met again. How much more colourful the world seemed when they were together, walking through it hand in hand. And their jobs became easier as well.

Hyungwon accepted his life as a model finally, and it made it much easier that he could enjoy it with Hoseok by his side. And they would sing to each other, dance together, laugh and smile in each other’s company, and it felt almost unreal.

But it was everything they’ve lost all these years, and they were more than determined to make up for that lost time.

**Author's Note:**

> I had a lot of fun writing this one even though it's an AU I've never worked with before, had little time to figure out how to write, and little to no idea about what to do with it before going into it. I hope it still came out okay and I hope it isn't too rushed at points even though I had to finish it all in four days only...  
> But I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> And I apologise if there were any spelling or grammar errors and I didn't go over the edit a second time to check for any of those.
> 
> You can come chat with me at my twitter (@hyungwonhoe_) as well, if you want~
> 
>  
> 
> _Edited on 2016/10/10_


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